What Exactly Is a Romance Scam?

A romance scam, sometimes called a sweetheart scam or catfish scam, happens when criminals create fake romantic personas online to build emotional connections with victims, ultimately to take financial advantage. These aren’t spontaneous lies but rather calculated operations where criminals invest considerable time building trust and emotional dependency before asking for money.

Understanding the scammer meaning in this context helps clarify what you’re protecting yourself against. These individuals operate as professional manipulators who view human connection as a tool for profit. They’re not seeking companionship or love; they’re systematically working to access your financial resources. The scale of this issue is staggering, with these schemes extracting $1.3 billion from Americans last year alone, according to the Federal Trade Commission.

What makes modern romance scamming particularly dangerous is its evolution into organised operations. Today’s scammers often work in teams, using shared resources like stolen photographs, refined scripts, and even specialised roles where different team members handle various stages of the deception. Your heartfelt messages might be answered by artificial intelligence or by someone simultaneously managing dozens of similar conversations. This industrialisation of emotional manipulation represents a fundamental shift from the isolated con artists of the past.

Understanding the Psychology of Romance Scams

Why Smart People Fall for Scams

If you’re reading this because you’ve been scammed, or you’re worried you might be talking to a scammer right now, take a deep breath. You’re not alone, and you’re definitely not stupid. Through extensive research and working with victims, documented cases show doctors, lawyers, and tech executives getting swept up in these elaborate cons. Why? Because scammers aren’t targeting your IQ, they’re targeting your heart.

These criminals understand something fundamental about human nature. When we’re looking for connection, especially after a breakup, during lonely times, or when we’re simply tired of the dating scene, our usual defences drop a bit. That little voice that might normally say ‘this seems off’ gets drowned out by the possibility of finding someone special. And honestly? That’s completely natural. We’re wired for connection, it’s what makes us human.

Scammers exploit this beautifully human vulnerability. They use what psychologists call ‘intermittent reinforcement’, mixing intense attention with sudden withdrawals to keep you hooked. Remember that ex who’d shower you with affection one day then go cold the next? Same psychological principle, weaponised. They’ll isolate you subtly too, perhaps mentioning how their ex never understood them like you do, or how their friends wouldn’t get what you two have. Before you know it, you’re keeping the relationship secret, which is exactly where they want you.

How Scammers Choose Their Targets

Here’s something that might surprise you: scammers often spend weeks studying potential targets before making contact. They’re not randomly messaging everyone. They look for specific things in profiles that suggest vulnerability or resources.

Recently divorced? That’s a green flag for them. Mentioning you’re a caregiver for elderly parents? They see someone generous and trusting. Posted about a recent loss or life change? You’ve just moved up their target list. Even seemingly innocent details matter, mentioning you work in healthcare or education signals to them that you’re likely empathetic and helping-natured.

Age plays a role too, though not how you might think. While scammers do target older adults (assuming more savings), they’re increasingly going after millennials who are comfortable sharing online but might be romantically frustrated after years of app dating. Platform choice matters as well. Paid sites like Match see more sophisticated scams because criminals know users there are serious about relationships and have disposable income.

The Different Dangers: Understanding Gender-Specific Risks

Let’s address something that doesn’t get discussed enough, online dating poses different risks for women and men, and scammers know exactly how to exploit these differences.

For Women: Beyond romance scams, women face unique safety concerns. There’s the ever-present worry about physical safety when meeting someone new. Scammers targeting women often use different tactics, they might push for in-person meetings too quickly (the opposite of typical romance scammers), use aggressive pursuit tactics, or threaten to share intimate photos. Women are also more likely to encounter ‘love bombing’ that transitions into controlling behaviour. Some scammers specifically target single mothers, knowing they might be more cautious about introducing someone new to their children, which ironically makes them seem more trustworthy when they ‘respect’ these boundaries initially.

For Men: Society doesn’t always acknowledge that men can be victims too, which these predators exploit ruthlessly. Men report feeling especially ashamed about being scammed, often not telling anyone, even authorities. The data backs this up: 73% of consumers who had been victimised by a romance scam were men, according to Javelin Research. Male victims often face ‘sextortion’ at higher rates, where criminals threaten to share intimate photos with their employer or social network. There’s also the ‘sugar baby’ scam variation, where men think they’re entering a mutually beneficial arrangement but end up drained financially. The masculine stereotype of being protectors and providers gets weaponised, these con artists make men feel good about ‘helping’ someone in need.

What both women and men need to understand is this: your vulnerabilities don’t make you weak. They’re part of being human. Scammers are master manipulators who’ve studied human psychology. They know exactly which buttons to push, regardless of your gender. The shame and embarrassment victims feel often prevents them from seeking help or warning others, which is exactly what scammers count on.

The Scammer’s Playbook

Every online predator follows a remarkably similar script, refined over thousands of attempts. Netflix’s documentary ‘The Tinder Swindler’ exposed this playbook perfectly, showing how Shimon Hayut posed as diamond mogul Simon Leviev, using private jets and luxury hotels (funded by previous victims) to create an illusion of wealth before claiming his ‘enemies’ were after him and he needed urgent financial help.

First comes the love bombing, intense, overwhelming affection that would normally take months to develop, happens in days. ‘I’ve never felt this way before’ appears in week one. ‘You’re my soulmate’ by week two. The FTC reports that 40% of people who lost money to these schemes in 2022 said the contact started on social media, with perpetrators quickly moving conversations to WhatsApp or Telegram.

Next, they’ll create false intimacy through constant communication. Good morning texts, check-ins throughout the day, long evening conversations. They’re building dependency. Many victims later describe the hardest part of cutting contact wasn’t losing the person, but losing that constant presence in their daily routine.

Then comes the setup. There’s always a reason they can’t meet, they’re deployed overseas, working on an oil rig, doing humanitarian work, or caring for a sick relative abroad. This distance serves two purposes: it explains why they can’t video chat and sets up the eventual crisis.

The crisis is where the monetary ask happens. It’s never immediate, that’s amateur hour. Professional scammers invest weeks or months before the emergency strikes. Their child needs surgery. They’re stuck in a foreign country. Their business deal fell through. The ask starts small, maybe just help with a phone bill, then escalates once you’ve shown willingness to help. Research shows that in 2024, romance scams grew 40% with revenue from romance scams, also known as ‘pig butchering’, grew 40% last year and accounted for more than a third of all crypto-related scams.

Real Stories: How Romance Scams Actually Unfold

While high-profile cases like the Tinder Swindler capture public attention, thousands of equally devastating but less publicised romance scams unfold daily. These stories illustrate the diverse tactics modern scammers employ.

The Cryptocurrency Investment Romance (2024) According to the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center, cryptocurrency-related romance scams (often called ‘pig butchering’ scams) have exploded, with $3.31 billion in cryptocurrency investment fraud losses reported in 2022. The typical pattern involves scammers building relationships over weeks or months before introducing victims to fake cryptocurrency trading platforms where they can see apparent profits before losing everything.

The Military Romance Scam Pattern The U.S. Army Criminal Investigation Division continues to warn about scammers posing as soldiers. In their official advisory, they note that hundreds of complaints are received monthly from victims who sent money to someone claiming to be a U.S. soldier. Common stories include needing money for leave paperwork, medical care, or communication fees – all of which are provided free to actual service members.

The Oil Rig Worker Scam The Better Business Bureau has documented the prevalence of oil rig worker scams, where criminals claim to work on offshore rigs – which explains their inability to meet in person or video chat. A 2023 BBB study found that employment on oil rigs or cargo ships was one of the top five occupation claims used by romance scammers, particularly targeting women over 40.

These documented patterns, reported by the FTC, show that romance scam reports have increased every year since 2017, with older adults experiencing the highest individual losses but younger adults increasingly becoming targets.

Red Flags Ranked by Severity

Before we dive into these warning signs, it’s important to acknowledge something: when developing feelings for someone, it’s incredibly hard to see red flags clearly. Your brain literally works against you, flooding you with feel-good chemicals that can cloud judgment. That’s not weakness; that’s biology. Please be gentle with yourself as you read through these. If you recognise some of these signs in your current situation, it doesn’t mean you’re foolish. It means you’re human, and you’re smart enough to be seeking information.

Critical Red Flags (Run Immediately)

These are the non-negotiables. If you see any of these, please protect yourself by ending contact immediately. I understand that’s easier said than done when feelings are involved, but your safety, emotional, financial, and physical, must come first.

1. Any request for money, gift cards, or financial information Doesn’t matter if it’s £50 or £5,000, for their sick dog or their mother’s medicine. The moment money enters the conversation, you’re talking to a scammer. Full stop. Real romantic interests don’t ask for financial help from someone they’ve never met.

2. Refusing or unable to video chat. In 2025, everyone has video capability. ‘My camera is broken’ for weeks on end? ‘The internet where I am can’t handle video?’ These are lies. One documented case involved a reader whose ‘boyfriend’ claimed to be on a top-secret military mission for six months where video calls were forbidden. She later found his photos on a male model’s Instagram.

3. Inconsistent personal details. Tuesday they’re from Greenwich, Thursday they grew up in Nottingham. They’re 45 in their profile but mention graduating from university in 2010. Their written English suddenly changes style. These aren’t innocent mistakes, they’re different people working the same mark or one person forgetting their lies.

4. Pressure for personal financial information. They want to send you money (classic fake check scam). They need your bank details to add you to their will. They want to put you on their company payroll. Any scenario where they need your financial information is a scam setup.

5. Immediate push to leave the dating platform. ‘I’m deleting my profile, let’s talk on WhatsApp.’ This isn’t romantic spontaneity, they want to move where there’s no fraud reporting system and their messages won’t be monitored.

Major Warning Signs (Proceed with Extreme Caution)

6. Over-the-top romantic language immediately. Real love develops over time. ‘I think God brought us together’ on day three isn’t passion, it’s manipulation. Watch for messages that could apply to anyone, full of destiny and soulmate talk but light on actual personal details about you.

7. Conveniently travelling for work. Oil rig engineer, military contractor, international businessman, traveling nurse, these aren’t just careers, they’re scammer favorites. They explain away the inability to meet while suggesting financial success.

8. Photos that look professionally shot. Every photo perfectly lit? Always dressed impeccably? Images that look like they’re from a fashion catalog? Real people have casual photos, unflattering angles, pictures with friends. Reverse image search is your friend here.

9. Dodging specific questions about their life. Ask about their favorite local restaurant. Which neighborhood they live in. Where they took that beach photo. Scammers using stolen photos can’t answer because they don’t know.

10. Manufacturing urgency. ‘I’m falling for you so fast it scares me.’ ‘I’ve never felt I could trust someone so quickly.’ They’re rushing emotional intimacy because they’re on a timeline, the quicker you fall, the sooner they can make their ask.

Yellow Flags (Investigate Further)

11. Grammar that doesn’t match their supposed background. A Wall Street executive who can’t differentiate between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’? An English professor with consistently odd sentence structure? These disconnects matter.

12. Limited photos or refusal to share more. Real people have photos from different times, places, and situations. If they only have 3-4 pictures and can’t provide others, you’re likely looking at stolen images.

13. Vague about local details. They claim to live in Seattle but don’t know Pike Place Market. They’re from Boston but can’t name the neighborhood they grew up in. Geographic illiteracy is a huge tell.

14. Always available to chat. Real people have jobs, responsibilities, life. Someone who can text constantly all day, every day, might be doing this professionally.

15. Brand new or sparse social media. A 45-year-old professional with a Facebook created last month? An Instagram with 12 photos all uploaded the same day? These profiles were created just for scamming.

The Name Game: Patterns in Romance Scammer Aliases

While scammers can adopt any identity, certain naming patterns consistently appear in documented cases. Understanding these patterns won’t definitively identify a scammer, genuine people can have these names too, but it adds another layer to your verification process.

Male scammers frequently choose names suggesting authority or international sophistication. Military ranks feature prominently: Sergeant James Williams, Captain David Anderson, or Lieutenant Michael Roberts. Professional titles also appear regularly, particularly Doctor Mark Stevens (claiming to be a surgeon in Syria), Engineer Thomas Mitchell (working on oil rigs), or executive-sounding combinations like Richard Montgomery, described as a cryptocurrency consultant based in Singapore.

Female scammer profiles often emphasise caring professions or creative pursuits. Nurse Jennifer caring for children in Africa, Teacher Amanda volunteering abroad, or Designer Sophie launching her jewellery line from Paris. Single mother narratives frequently accompany these identities: Sarah raising daughter Emma alone, or Jessica managing twins while building her business.

Several patterns deserve attention. Scammers often choose overwhelmingly Anglo-American or British names regardless of their claimed background or location. They frequently include titles or overly formal name structures in casual conversation, referring to themselves as ‘Engineer Johnson’ rather than simply ‘Tom.’ The names often sound like they’ve been lifted from romance novels, with an unusual abundance of traditionally attractive-sounding combinations.

What’s particularly telling is inconsistency. When ‘Christopher Wellington III’ can’t remember whether he previously mentioned his middle name as James or John, or when details about family names shift between conversations, you’re likely dealing with someone struggling to maintain a fake identity across multiple victims.

The Evolution of Romance Scams: AI and Modern Threats

The game changed dramatically in 2024. According to the Federal Trade Commission, losses linked to online romance scams topped $823 million in 2024. But it’s not just the money, it’s how sophisticated these operations have become. ‘What’s happening is AI is making the conversation sound very real and very familiar in a way that wasn’t possible a few years ago,’ said Paul Keener from GuidePoint Security.

Think about this: scammers now use AI chatbots that can maintain dozens of conversations simultaneously, each perfectly tailored to their target’s interests and communication style. They analyse your messages to mirror your language patterns, making their responses feel incredibly authentic. These aren’t the broken-English scams of the past, AI-powered romance scams can write poetry, craft compelling backstories, and even generate voice messages that sound completely natural.

The rise of deepfake video calls adds another layer of deception. Where scammers once avoided video chats entirely, some now use real-time deepfake technology to appear as their stolen photos during calls. The technology isn’t perfect yet, look for unnatural eye movements, delayed audio sync, or requests to keep lighting dim, but it’s improving rapidly.

Platform-Specific Safety Features and Risks

Tinder

Tinder’s photo verification helps, but it’s not foolproof. Con artists now hire people to verify accounts, then take them over. The platform’s casual nature means faster progression to ‘let’s get off this app’ requests seem normal.

Watch for profiles with Instagram handles but no linked account, they want you to reach out there because Tinder can’t monitor Instagram DMs. The limited character count in bios means these predators rely heavily on stolen photos to attract matches, so always reverse image search.

Bumble

The women-message-first model doesn’t protect against female scammer profiles targeting men. Photo verification here requires multiple poses, making it harder to fake, but determined scammers still manage.

Voice note features can help verify someone’s real, but research shows cases where scammers hired voice actors. The video chat option is your best friend here. Anyone refusing to use it when it’s built right into the app is hiding something.

Hinge

‘Designed to be deleted’ attracts serious daters, and serious scammers. The detailed prompts can actually help scammers seem more real by copying genuine responses from other profiles.

The ‘Your Turn’ feature limiting how many likes you can send supposedly reduces scamming, but it just makes each scammer interaction more targeted. Pay attention to whether their prompt answers actually match their photos and stated profession.

Match/eHarmony

Paid platforms see sophisticated scams because criminals view the subscription fee as a business investment. These scammers often have elaborate backstories and spend more time building trust.

Match’s background check option (for an extra fee) only works on real names and US citizens. International scammers or those using fake identities slip right through. Don’t let a ‘verified’ badge lull you into false security.

Facebook Dating

The integration with your main Facebook profile seems safer but creates new risks. Scammers can research you extensively before making contact, crafting perfect messages based on your interests.

The ‘Secret Crush’ feature gets exploited by scammers creating fake profiles of people you might know. If your high school crush suddenly appears and matches with you, verify through other channels before getting excited.

Niche Platforms

Religious dating sites see ‘missionary’ scams where they’re always travelling for church work. Senior-specific platforms get hit with ‘retired military’ profiles. LGBTQ+ apps deal with blackmail scams threatening to out users.

Professional dating services like The League aren’t immune either; scammers pay for premium memberships, knowing users assume everyone’s verified. Higher barriers to entry just mean more sophisticated criminals.

WhatsApp Romance Scams

The move to WhatsApp often marks a critical turning point in romance scams. When someone you’ve recently met online suggests switching your conversation to WhatsApp, they’re attempting to shift communication away from the dating platform’s monitoring systems and into an environment they can better control. WhatsApp’s end-to-end encryption, typically a privacy benefit, becomes a shield for their deceptive activities.

The pattern typically unfolds predictably. They’ll cite reasons like finding the dating app unreliable or claiming they rarely check it, when in reality, they’re avoiding fraud detection systems. Once on WhatsApp, the intensity of communication often increases dramatically. You’ll receive constant messages throughout the day, voice notes that create a sense of intimacy, and carefully chosen photos designed to reinforce their fake identity. The eventual request for money arrives after this foundation of false intimacy has been established, often accompanied by dramatic circumstances requiring urgent help.

If someone you’ve known for only days or weeks insists on moving to WhatsApp, consider this a significant warning sign. Genuine connections can develop perfectly well within dating platforms, at least initially, and someone truly interested in getting to know you won’t pressure you to communicate through channels that make you uncomfortable.

Instagram Romance Scams

Instagram provides scammers with unique opportunities to craft compelling false stories through visual means. These criminals typically initiate contact by engaging with multiple posts on your profile, creating a sense of being noticed and appreciated. Their own profiles present carefully constructed fantasies: international travel, business success, fitness achievements, and lifestyle aspirations that seem just believable enough.

What distinguishes Instagram romance scams is their frequent inclusion of financial opportunity narratives. Scammers often weave cryptocurrency trading, foreign exchange investments, or business ventures into their persona from the beginning. They’ll share what appear to be profit screenshots, testimonials from satisfied partners, and gradually introduce the concept of sharing their “success secrets” with you. Some create elaborate networks of fake accounts, including business pages and satisfied customer profiles, to lend credibility to their schemes.

Pay particular attention to profiles that seem recently created yet somehow have thousands of followers, or accounts where the engagement patterns don’t match the follower count. When romantic advances quickly evolve into investment discussions, you’re almost certainly dealing with someone whose interest in you is purely financial.

Words with Friends and Gaming App Romance Scams

The spread of romance scammers into gaming platforms like Words with Friends represents a particularly clever evolution in their tactics. These criminals understand that people playing word games or other casual apps have their guard down; they’re seeking entertainment, not romance, which paradoxically makes them more vulnerable to seemingly natural connections.

The approach on gaming platforms tends to be more gradual and subtle. Initial conversations focus on the game itself, perhaps complementing your vocabulary or strategy. Personal questions emerge naturally within what feels like a friendly chat between gaming partners. The transition to romantic interest appears spontaneous: ‘I can’t believe I’m developing feelings for someone I met playing Scrabble’ This perceived authenticity makes the eventual suggestion to move to private messaging platforms seem reasonable rather than suspicious.

These gaming app scammers often target older adults who might be less familiar with online dating scams but are comfortable with game applications. They exploit the sense of community and friendly competition these platforms foster, transforming innocent gameplay into emotional manipulation.

Verification Techniques That Actually Work

Some people worry that verification feels wrong or distrustful when developing feelings for someone. Here’s the reality: verification isn’t about being paranoid or cynical. It’s about being smart. Think of it like wearing a seatbelt. You’re not expecting to crash every time you drive, but you buckle up anyway. These techniques are your emotional seatbelt.

Someone who genuinely cares about you will understand why you need to verify they’re real. In fact, they might even appreciate that you’re being careful, it shows you value yourself. Anyone who gets angry or tries to make you feel guilty about basic safety measures is revealing everything you need to know about their intentions.

Basic Verification Steps

Start with reverse image searching, but don’t just use Google. TinEye, Yandex, and Bing image search catch different results. Screenshot their photos rather than saving them, as some scammers embed tracking pixels in images.

Cross-reference everything with people search services. They say they’re John Smith from Denver? Run their name through background check services like TruthFinder, Instant Checkmate, Spokeo, PeopleLooker, IDTrue, Intelius, PeopleFinders, or CheckPeople (TruthFinder UK for British matches). A real person leaves digital footprints, property records, past addresses, family connections. No presence anywhere? That’s your answer.

Phone number verification goes beyond just Googling it. Run it through WhatsApp, Telegram, and Signal to see what profile photos come up. Use TrueCaller to see if it’s registered under a different name. Get their number early, scammers often stall because they’re using burner phones.

Advanced Verification Methods

The ‘specific photo request’ test works wonders, for now. Ask them to send a photo holding today’s newspaper, making a specific hand gesture, or with a spoon on their head. Sounds silly? That’s the point. Someone using stolen photos can’t comply. But be aware: AI image generation is getting better at creating these on demand, so combine this with other verification methods.

Test their local knowledge casually. ‘Oh, you’re from Portland? I love that food cart pod on Division, what’s your favourite?’ Real locals know these details. Scammers frantically Googling can’t fake organic knowledge.

LinkedIn deep dives reveal a lot. Real professionals have connections from multiple companies, endorsements from various time periods, and activity history. A senior executive with 50 connections who joined last month? Please.

Digital Footprint Analysis

Real people have messy digital footprints. Old tweets, tagged photos from friends, and comments on others’ posts spanning years. Scammer profiles look manufactured, too clean, too perfect, too consistent.

Age-appropriate presence matters. A 50-year-old with zero Facebook history is suspicious. A 30-year-old who doesn’t exist on any platform? Unless they’re in witness protection, something’s off.

Verify professional claims hard. They’re a surgeon? Medical boards will have searchable databases. Corporate executive? SEC filings are public. Military? Scammers love stolen valor, but real service members can be verified.

Safe Meeting Strategies

Meeting someone from a dating app for the first time brings genuine excitement. Those butterflies are real, and that anticipation is part of what makes dating worthwhile. But let’s channel that energy into making smart choices that keep you safe while still allowing for romance.

Video chat first. Always. No exceptions. It might feel awkward, wondering about chemistry through a screen, but that’s exactly why it’s valuable. Better to find out from the safety of your couch than in person. ‘My camera’s broken’ means this conversation’s broken too. Use the platform’s built-in video features when possible; it’s safer than giving out your personal Skype.

When you do meet (and hopefully you’ll meet wonderful people), choose the location yourself. Pick somewhere public that makes you feel comfortable, your favourite coffee shop, a bustling restaurant, or a popular park during daylight hours. Arrive early so you can scope out the environment and feel settled. Drive yourself or use your own transportation; having an independent way to leave gives you control.

Tell someone where you’re going and set check-in times. Yes, even if you’re a 40-year-old man who can bench press your body weight. Safety isn’t about being weak; it’s about being smart. Have an exit strategy ready. First meets should be coffee or lunch, not dinner, easier to extend if things are going well, easier to leave if they’re not.

For women especially: follow your instincts about physical safety. If something feels off, it probably is. That ‘politeness programming’ we all have? Override it. Your safety matters more than their feelings.

For men: be aware that you might be walking into a setup for robbery or extortion. Meeting in truly public places protects you too. If someone insists on meeting somewhere isolated or at odd hours, that’s your cue to bail.

When to Hire a Professional

Consider professional verification if you’re getting serious, but something feels off. Private investigators can run comprehensive background checks for a few hundred dollars, cheap compared to potential losses.

They can verify employment, check criminal records, confirm divorces, and investigate financial red flags. But know the limits, they can’t hack accounts or access private medical records. If you’re at this point though, your gut’s already telling you something.

What to Do If You’re Already Talking to a Scammer

First, breathe. If you’re reading this section with a sinking feeling in your stomach, I want you to know that recognising the signs takes courage. Whether you’ve been talking to someone for days, weeks, or months, realising something’s wrong is the first step to protecting yourself. You’re not the first person this has happened to, and sadly, you won’t be the last. But right now, let’s focus on getting you safe.

Taking Action

If you’ve decided to end contact, doing so clearly and safely is important. A simple message stating you’re no longer interested in continuing the relationship is sufficient, no detailed explanation needed. Then block the person across all platforms. This isn’t harsh; it’s appropriate boundary-setting.

Before blocking, document any conversations or information exchanged. Save screenshots and preserve any relevant details. This documentation could be helpful if you decide to report the situation later.

Change every password they might have seen you type during video calls. Check your devices for malware if you clicked any links they sent. Enable two-factor authentication everywhere, especially banking and email.

Assessing the Situation

Take inventory of any personal information you’ve shared, full name, birthday, workplace, or family details. This helps you understand what precautions might be needed. While most scammers simply move on to new targets when blocked, it’s wise to monitor your accounts for any unusual activity.

Review your financial accounts for any unexpected charges, especially if you shared any financial information. Consider placing a fraud alert on your credit if you provided sensitive details. This is precautionary, most people who cut contact early don’t experience further issues.

If you shared intimate photos, be aware of potential misuse, though most scammers abandon blocked targets rather than risk exposure. Screenshot any threats for documentation. Resources for dealing with sextortion risks in online dating are available if needed.

Reporting Options

If you’ve identified a scammer, reporting helps protect others. Start with the dating platform, they have dedicated fraud teams who take these reports seriously. After Netflix’s ‘The Tinder Swindler’ exposed Simon Leviev’s schemes, Tinder and its parent company Match Group permanently banned him from all their platforms, showing that reports do lead to action.

The FBI’s IC3 website (ic3.gov) accepts reports even if no money was lost. Your information helps build cases against organised scam operations. In June 2025 alone, the FBI arrested multiple romance scammers, including international operations targeting elderly victims.

The FTC tracks these crimes at reportfraud.ftc.gov. With the FTC receiving around 64,000 romance scam reports in 2023, your report contributes to understanding and combating these schemes. Local police reports, while sometimes not investigated, can be useful for documentation if you need to dispute charges or prove identity theft.

Emotional Recovery

If you’ve experienced a romance scam, the emotional impact can be significant. It’s not just potential financial loss, it’s grieving someone who never existed. The shame feels overwhelming. The embarrassment makes you want to hide. Research by psychologists Whitty and Buchanan found that most romance scam victims were actually more upset by the loss of the relationship than the financial loss.

But here’s what needs to be heard: This. Wasn’t. Your. Fault. These criminals are professionals. They’ve refined their techniques on thousands of victims. You were targeted precisely because you have a good heart. Anyone can become a victim, older adults aren’t the only targets anymore. Adults ages 18-59 are actually 13% MORE likely to fall for a romance scam than adults older than 60, though older adults tend to lose more money.

Consider talking to a therapist who understands online fraud, particularly if you’re struggling to process the experience. The Cybercrime Support Network offers a free 10-week virtual support group led by licensed counsellors. Many people find that talking with others who’ve had similar experiences helps tremendously.

Learning from the Experience

Take time to process what happened before jumping back into dating. When you’re ready to return, you’ll have valuable knowledge about warning signs and verification techniques. Creating a personal safety checklist can help you feel more confident.

Many people find that sharing their experience helps both their own healing and protects others. Whether you choose to warn friends privately or share more publicly, your story has value. Every person who speaks up makes it harder for scammers to succeed with their next target.

Recovery Resources and Moving Forward

The AARP Fraud Watch Network offers free support regardless of age. They have specialists who understand romance scams and won’t judge. Their emotional support hotline has helped thousands process the trauma.

For financial recovery, start with your bank’s fraud department. Many banks have specialized romance scam units now. The FTC’s romance scam recovery page walks through financial recovery steps.

Identity theft is a real risk after romance scams. Consider comprehensive digital protection to monitor your information going forward. Protect your identity while dating online becomes even more critical after an encounter with a scammer.

Remember, millions of people date online safely every day. Yes, these threats are evolving, from the dramatic Tinder Swindler cases to AI-powered chatbots, but so are the tools and knowledge to protect yourself. Don’t let criminals steal your ability to find a connection. Take your time, listen to your instincts, and keep in mind that genuine connections never involve financial requests.

Stay safe out there, and remember: the right person will understand and respect your need for verification. Anyone who doesn’t isn’t worth your time anyway.